How Jared and I met

Jared and I on a snowshoeing trip at Snoqualmie.

Christine, Aaron, me, Melanie, Rudy and Jared at Mt Baker.

Jared and me kayaking on Lake Whatcom

Abby, Colin, Jared's niece Sky and Cole (HIS Cole!) hiking Deception Pass

Jared me and Rudy hiking to Snoqualmie Lake! (8 miles one way)

Josh with Remi, Fallon, Jared, Abby, me, Thomas, Ky and Colin hiking Bagley Lake up by Mt Baker

THE moment! 

Next month will be 3 years since Travis passed. Sigh... Some days I can still hear him and it feels like yesterday since that rainy Saturday in October. Other days it feels like it's been forever. I do know that he is close by. I talk to him and there are times when I know he is listening. I know that he is able to help his children here and there. They say that parents always are there for their children, and some even say that they can help their children more from "the other side" than here on Earth. Who knows. I just know there have been times when I've prayed to God and asked Him to allow Travis to help one or more of the kids with something they've been going through in their lives. I believe strongly that he's been there. The spirit world isn't as far away from us as some people think. 

Last year at this time, I was dating a boy. (It makes me feel a tad bit younger to say "boy" instead of "guy" or  "man", okay?! ) Abby was attending an activity for church at her leader's home. When I came to pick her up, the "sister" had a friend who stopped by. Not long later, he and I started dating. Eventually, we came to the conclusion that we weren't going to be a permanent thing. I had come up with a list after Travis had passed of things that I knew I needed and wanted in a future spouse. One of the items was that he be actively attending and strong in the church. This boy wasn't doing that, and after hoping and waiting, he and I mutually agreed it wasn't what I was looking for. Deep down, I also knew there were some things he longed for that I didn't offer him. Children of his own being one. We still remain friends and I long to see him marry and become a father to children of his own. I know, though, that the time we were together was meant to be and we learned a lot about ourselves in that time. I'm thankful for the Lord's plans and what HE sees is my future. I know He guided that. I'm thankful both of us were in tune with the spirit enough to know what needed to be done. I knew and felt that the Lord had happiness more than I could imagine ahead for me. I would get excited inside when I thought about the future. I knew that was God telling me it's there. 

Christmas and New Years came soon after and I found myself attending lots of activities with the single adults in church and my widow and widower friends from down in the Seattle area. Attending LDS Widow/Widowers conferences in Utah once a year has also been a blessing in my life. It has been such a help with understanding things and having people that I can talk to who completely understand all that I feel and experience. They are lifelong eternal companions of mine! 

While attending these single adult activities, there has always been this one boy who was in the group named Jared. I was dating already, so Jared wasn't anyone I was interested in nor did he consider me. It didn't matter anyways, since a friend of mine liked him a lot. Once or twice, I thought I'd hear that the two of them were in a relationship, but that never happened. 

So... as a single, not-dating woman, my single adult friends and I decided to hang out with each other, do activities down south with those singles, and have fun meeting people! Woo hoo! Fun fun! (Jared was one of these friends.)

Let me tell you his story. Raised in the church (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints ... otherwise called the Mormon church). Three siblings. Actually, not just raised in the same church, but basically, he grew up in the same county as me with the same kids around him as me! Some of the families he was close to.. I went to church with also! But we never knew each other! We laugh at this now. Anyways ... Jared served a mission in Minnesota when he was 19, came home, attended church, then met a girl and slowly stopped going to church. Started living a life diff than he'd been taught. Eventually, met a girl and she got pregnant. They lived together and she had their first son, Cole. (Yes! Same as me! First son named Cole!) A month later, she got pregnant again and they had another son named Colin. About two years later, she chose not to want to be a mother. Jared and the boys moved out. He dedicated his life to working hard and raising his sons for 15 years. Got himself back to church and strengthened the relationship with his Heavenly Father. 

About the same time I was all into having fun and meeting people, Jared's bishop was all over him to get out there and meet people! "You have dedicated your life to your boys and it's time you have a life for you too! Man was not meant to be alone," he said. So we all were going to these activities and winter was upon us. I had wanted badly to learn how to snowshoe. I actually bought myself some shoes for Christmas too! One of the activities we decided to do was a snowshoe trip. We invited my friends from down south as well as Single friends from the county. Our first trip was great! I fell in love with snowshoeing! My dear friends, Christine and Melanie came up from Bremerton along with Rudy and Aaron too! After our snowshoeing, we all came back to my house where I had white chicken chili in the crockpot! 

Along this time of having fun, Jared and I started to text a bit on the phone more and more, cause we were friends and because we were the ones planning the snowshoeing trips. We'd text and then talk a bit before bed. We were getting to know each other. *One of the things I appreciated about Jared was that he was a friend. He wasn't interested in me at first. He listened to me cry about losing and missing Travis and even my sadness about my break up. I think there are times as we've dated, when he enjoyed hearing about Travis cause it got him knowing Travis a bit more and our family. I let him read my blog that I had started after Travis passed away, and thanked me so much (I could feel the tears in his heart) for allowing him to read it. He was so sorry for what me and my children had gone through.

After a snowshoeing trip .. or two, Jared and I were talking on the phone when he asked me "There's a movie coming out that I'd really like to go see, and I was wondering if you'd like to go. Abby is welcome too if you'd like." I thought and then said, "Yah! That'd be fun!" Thinking.. friends hanging out. But then I thought, "Is he asking me on a date, or is this just friends? We are out there to meet people and have fun. A movie is fun. Then I thought of a friend of mine who I knew had feelings for Jared. I had asked him a few months previous FOR HER if he had feelings for her and he said no. He appreciated her friendship so much but didn't have those deeper feelings for her. I informed her of this. So.. a couple of days after he asked me to a movie and I had said yes, I felt it wouldn't be right of me to do this to her as she may see it as a date and be hurt. So I told him, "I'm sorry. I can't go to the movie with you." I then told him that this friend had feelings for him. Did he not see that? How could he not see it? We laugh now, cause come to find out, there were more girls who were interested in him cause of his sweetness but never said anything!  He is so sweet and makes people feel cared for. It's easy to think he is interested when one looks at him that way. He was floored and had no idea! I said, "I can't do that to a friend, but you really should talk to her and make sure she understands." I then said to him, "But before you do talk to her and tell her you don't share the feelings for her, look inside yourself and make SURE that you don't feel for her." He said he had already done that. So we stayed friends and hung out at activities. He worked himself up to sharing his feelings for said girl and then asked me, "So... how about that movie?" (insert giggle) I still felt it would be wrong though. I didnt' know how I could date a boy whom a close friend of mine had feelings for, even though she now knows the feelings aren't reciprocated. I couldn't hurt someone. But then .... I was getting to know Jared more and more, and was seeing exactly what this other friend of mine really did see in him! Wow! What a great man! So sweet and caring! Very smart. So honest and open! Sensitive.. but yet still very much a man! A strong, active member of the church. Loves the outdoors and being alive in it! What dedication he showed by raising his boys alone and working hard to do so! I was seeing that maybe I'd like to get to know him even more, yet I still couldnt' hurt anyone's feelings on purpose. I needed time. I needed to give HER time. There were times, also, when I thought about Jared and me and would get that same excited feeling inside. Like that feeling I had before with my brake up.. knowing God had something out there planned for me! 

One day, this girl who had feelings for Jared had mouth surgery and wasn't feeling well. She invited me to ice cream. While there, she talked about her and Jared still texting and I could hear that she STILL had hopes of something between them. She had been going through a lot in her life with family, work, and other things, so I couldn't bring myself to telling her that he and I had been texting and even talking too. I didn't want to make her sad. I knew after that I should have just done it, but ... That night, I told him, "She still thinks there is hope for you two. Did you really tell her? Are you sure she got it?" For some reason, she still hung on. I was sad to see her doing that to herself. 

One of the next activities we planned was totally different than anything Jared would normally do! But we were all out there to meet people! I convinced some of my friends from up here (Megan, Yvonne, Amy and Jennifer, Doug, Adrienne... and Jared) to go down to Bellevue, do a temple session and then attend a single adult dance. Jared didn't have a temple recommend so that he could go in and attend a session, so he and another friend of ours sat in the lobby waiting and reading their scriptures while the rest of us went in. (That was nice to see too! Jared actually received his recommend the next day!) We carpooled from Bellingham: Me, Jared, and two other female friends of ours. One of them being the girl who had feelings for him. I wondered how awkward that was for them. I knew it was a little awkward for me! 

As we drove down, another widower friend of mine text me. I said out loud, "Neil is texting me and I can't chat back while I drive." This girlfriend who liked Jared said, "Give me your phone and I'll text him." She had met Neil once, cause I was kinda thinking they'd be a cute couple! (insert giggle) Anyways, she text Neil for me. A few minutes later, as I drove and noticed she wasn't handing my phone back, I thought, "She has my phone. Her and Neil must be chatting back and forth, but my texts with Jared are on there. I don't ever delete them! What if she reads them?" 

And so, we arrived at the temple, she gave me my phone back which had a text FROM HER to me saying, "We need to talk." It was then that I knew it had been done. She did read my texts between Jared and I. I was sad for her. As I sat in the temple, I strongly felt, "She is where she is supposed to be in life right now. The Lord has plans for her. She needs to experience what she is experiencing right now." I still felt sad for her, of course, but also knew that maybe this would be the way for her to understand there really truly weren't feelings like she'd hoped between her and Jared. I also sort of felt this was maybe Jared's and my "out" to be able to explore what may come. 

We left the temple and drove to the dance, which was right in back of the temple. I had a lot of friends there that night. I thought, after all that had transpired, I'd leave Jared alone and allow him and her to maybe have the first slow dance together to talk about things ... or not. But I'd allow that. I danced with another one of my widower friends. (Jared and her didn't dance.) Through the night, I had fun and enjoyed being with my friends. We danced in a big circle and sometimes I'd drag Jared and other friends out to join us. Later, we were walking around, grabbing a snack and I felt maybe this girl wasn't as angry with me as I'd thought she'd be cause she was cordial and walking with our little group of friends... Jared being one. As we ambled toward the gym, I heard the music of a slow song. I decided it was time. The damage was done and I was gonna dance with him. I grabbed Jared by the arm and dragged him to the dance floor. Our first slow song. It was Elvis. "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You". Jared even sang parts of it as we danced! At this point, we both felt it was "out" and we knew we had feelings for each other that we wanted to explore. We knew that we wanted to try this. We talked about how sad we were for this friend of both of ours, but also how we felt it was meant to be. It was a nice dance.... well.. until she came rushing by and purposely bumped my shoulder with hers on the way past. If she hadn't been super angry before, she was now!
The drive home was long. But then sort of good, cause everything was basically out. Sadly though ... I wasn't her friend anymore. She'd feel deceived even though she didn't know the whole story. Only the texts that she read. It felt like high school, yet that didn't discount all that had happened. She felt they had something and I'd taken away any chance of it moving forward. 

After the dance, Jared and I continued to talk and text. Of course, he was still wanting to take me to a movie! The movie he had originally wanted to take me to ended up being a single adult activity one night, and we hoped to sit by each other. Instead, it ended up being that she sat by Jared and I got there at the last minute only to sit on the end between two other single adult male friends who basically scarfed down my popcorn! I can still picture the row of seats in the theater that night. I can still see the big smile on her face sitting next to Jared, enjoying the movie. (remember, this was when she still had hope .. before the dance night.) I am glad for her that she was happy, but Jared and I were dying inside cause we had hoped to be sitting next to each other. I know he was missing sitting by me when he had the big bag of jelly bellies passed down to share! (One time, Jared had shared a picture of Jelly Bellies on his Facebook and asked, "What are your faves to mix together?" So after I commented, somehow it became our treat.. jelly bellies.)  I just giggled and took a handful! We laugh at it now. And ... it was a great movie! "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" was the movie.

As we talked and hoped for a date, I felt at this point that there was definitely chemistry between Jared and I and I could easily see something growing between us. I felt I was maybe willing to lose a friendship over the possibility of this with me and Jared. I knew pain had been inflicted, and all but there was no going back. Only going forward, and I could see a definite chance of something great here. I don't even know that I remember what the movie was we saw, but Jared's and my first date was February 14, 2012. Valentine's Day. For some reason, we couldn't make any other night work. I made us a chicken salad dinner and we took it to eat at the guest house of a gentleman that I clean for often. I got permission to borrow the space for a couple of hours. We moved the couch to face the window so that we could watch the end of the sunset as we ate.  (I had been running a little behind so we just got the end of the sunset. I'm always running late!) At one point when we finished eating and sat there talking and talking, Jared stood up and asked me to help him move the coffee table and couch.  He asked me to dance, whipped out his cell phone and believe it or not, Elvis started playing! Our first dance song! Instantly, we knew this was OUR song! We stood there and danced to our song. It ended and he played it again! We didn't want to stop! So sweet! I was impressed with his romantic side and thoughtfulness! He even STOLE our first kiss standing there! (I had told myself I would not give a kiss til after a few dates, but he had different plans and swears I looked like I was wanting one!) After dancing and STILL dancing even after the music stopped ... and sitting there talking and watching the boat lights on the bay, we went to catch a 10:00 movie.

This was 6 1/2 months ago, and every single day, I see more reasons to love this boy named Jared Parker! We learned quickly that we knew SO MANY of the same people growing up! But we don't recall each other. We even attended the same Seminary class. Jared remembers my sister, my parents, even my friend, Cathy. But he didn't remember me. Obviously God didn't need us to know each other before for us to be together now. Maybe we wouldn't have liked each other then. But now.... (insert big ear - to - ear smile!)
On Easter, we gave each other a shiny large Easter egg and decided we'd get each other a gift to fit inside of the egg. He gave me a few little things: A candle that said "Let your light so shine", a pocket knife, a pretty Amethyst that he had gotten himself. I put inside his egg one thing, but it was a very important thing to me. It was my list. The list I had been compiling of things I knew I needed and wanted in my future companion. It had been painstakingly collected after losing Travis and getting to know some wonderful men and friends. The top five things of about 15 were the non-negotiables. Jared was every single one of the things on my list. Every one. The top five were: *An active member of the church with is own testimony. *Healthy, active and not afraid of regular doc visits or checkups *Someone who allows me and the kids to miss and talk about Travis. *Romantic and thoughtful.  *Wants to share (talk about) daily life and communication.  I felt I was done looking. I told him, "I don't need this anymore." I was quite shocked, though, I do admit. To be 41 years old and have four children and still be able to find someone with all of these qualities I am looking for??!!!! How lucky is that?! How blessed am I?! How much I feel my Father's love for me!!!!!!! There were so many times when we first were dating that Jared and I would just stand there staring at each other and say, "Wow", cause we can't believe that we found each other! 

As time went, we talked about marriage and blending our two families into one. We knew it wouldn't be a small feat, but we also felt we were meant to be. I was still working with Ky to finish her schooling and we were dealing with her earning her diploma and getting ready for Beauty School. I felt and told Jared that was my #1 responsibility. He never argued about it but supported and could see my dedication. I appreciated that. 

Feelings were growing stronger and we were at the point where we had no question in our minds that we were going to be together. We talked about our big family that we'd have and things we'd do. Hopes we had. Fears too. Our children accepting and adjusting. Jared knew how important it was to me for my kids to have been able to get through their grief of losing their dad as much as I could and adjust to the idea of me being with someone else. Our children needed to know that we cared about their feelings and needs too. In Sept, we sat the kids down and announced that we were ready to talk marriage. Ky would finish her diploma work the end of January and it just so happened that February and Valentine's Day was the next month after! We decided we want to get married on Valentine's Day.. a year from our first date! No, they weren't shocked to hear we wanted to get married, but yes, they were shocked it was only 5 1/2 months away! We had a family discussion about their fears and needs and allowed them to ask whatever questions that they had at the time.    And so the planning goes!

THEN.... As we are planning this wedding, we know there isn't an actual engagement yet, cause we'd been looking at rings together here and there. We discussed what we both liked in a wedding ring, and we had me sized.. we'd looked at a few. One day I said to him, "You know what I like. I trust what you like. If you wanna get a ring without me being with you, it's okay." One day, I had it planned for us to stop in Marysville for us to get our pictures taken by my cousin, Jennifer. This way, we'd have our pictures done for when we were ready to make invitations. We were going to go a "wedding show" in Everett so this was handy and along the way. We had invited Jared's parents to go too. We get there, met Jen, get all ready for pictures, find the spot to start the first round of pictures. Jared and I are standing there face to face with each other's hands in hands. All of a sudden.. out pops this Lifesavers Mint that Jared always eats! It just jetted out of his mouth and he is playing with is in his mouth! I'm thinking, "Jennifer is ready to snap pictures and he's playing with a mint in his mouth?! His lip's gonna look huge in the picture!" I had to say to him, "Jared! What are you doing?! You need to put that away!" I was confused as to what he was thinking! It wasn't like him. And he didn't seem like he was even "there" either! Like he didnt' even hear what I was saying. As I asked him again, "What are you doing?" His hand disappears and reaches down to his pocket. Then he proceeds to BITE the mint! I'm thinking, "He doesn't wanna share this mint with me during a picture?! That wouldn't look romantic!" Next thing I know, he's starting to go down, and he's on his knee. For a second, I wondered again what he was doing. Then I saw his hand appear with a black box in it that popped open and he said, "Dawn Marie (that's what he calls me), will you marry me?" And he has this big huge grin on his face, yet he still sorta looked nervous. So cute!! I instantly say, "What are you doing? When did you get this? Where did you get this?!" All along, he's on his knee waiting an answer! Then it hit me. "Answer him!" So I said, "Yah! Of course!" And what's neat about it is that Jennifer got it all in photo and ... Jared's parents were able to see and experience that with us! We had a fun photo shoot that was more romantic and special than I had planned or expected! The day was that much more fun wearing this beautiful engagement ring, KNOWING that we were actually officially engaged! The wedding show was nice and then we took Jared's parents to my kids' and my favorite restaurant (Chang's Mongolian Grill) in Everett. The day was also full of texting and messaging people the excitement of the morning and soaking up the feelings of the morning!

I am so thankful! I know that we all have our own life stories. We all have things that we experience in our lives. I also know that the Lord has it all planned out. He has a plan for each of us and wants happiness for us too. I know that Jared and I have both experienced the things that we have in our lives to end up where we are today.. together. I am thankful for my Heavenly Father's love for us all!