Sick???!

Christmas morning, and I am awake in bed! How come it's the parent up before the kids???! I'm not about to go around waking each of them up right now! I will enjoy some down time first. I've not really gotten a lot of that down time lately. It is a good thing. I've been greatly picking up houses to clean, which has kept me pretty busy between that and my schoolwork! With Christmas coming, the house cleaning has been a blessing. I have decided that I will go in and make it official for the new year! I cleaned houses about 17 years ago, and I had an idea for a name then. I think I will use it: "From Dust til Dawn". My own (well . . . my brother, David, came up with it, really!) little twist on "From Dawn til dusk"!

It hasn't really been that long since I last updated my blog, but I have had a bit of personal growth and strengthening recently. As I posted in October, Travis was not a regular at doctor visits and regular check ups. He wasn't healthy, and we knew it, yet he refused to go to the doctor. If he had gone, he would have found out how dangerously unhealthy his heart was and that he was Diabetic. I've decided that is WHY he refused to go. I feel that he knew all that, yet was too stubborn to do anything about it. So . . . I've decided that every October (Travis' passing month) I will go in and have my yearly check up. Mind you: I hadn't been in for a check up myself since Abby was born! I mean . . I am in shape and at a good weight . . I know I don't have heart issues or anything like that. I had made a couple appts before to go in, yet something would come up and I'd cancel the appt. This past October, I told my self "no excuses!" So I went in. About a week later, as I was cleaning a vacant apartment, I got a call from the doctor's office. They said that my papsmear results had come back "abnormal" and the doctor wanted me in to have what was called a Colposcopy. The doc explained that each papsmear is rated by number. 0 through 5. The number 0 means a normal pap. 1 means slightly abnormal, but not a lot to worry about. 2 means abnormal and they often have a second papsmear done or the Colposcopy to get a better look at things. Each number obviously gets worse with 5 being cancer. The doc said mine was a 2 and they saw lesions on my cervix. The Colposcopy (http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/cevicalconditions/a/colposcopy.htm) would take a better look at that. I wasn't really scared, but shocked. Should I have been? No! It'd been about 10 years since I was in for a physical! Sure my heart was healthy and I was in good shape, but that doesn't mean there isn't something growing in side of me like a virus! The doc also explained to me that when I was younger, I was obviously exposed (as MANY people are) to the HP Virus (http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm) which can go basically dormant or "inactive" in a person for years. Stress is one thing that can cause it to "wake up" and become active in a person. I have kinda been under a little bit of stress this past year! So . . . the end of October, I went in for the Colposcopy procedure. I didn't tell the kids, because, as the doc explained to me, "I see a #2 papsmear daily. 70-90% of women end up with their own immune system fighting it off on its own, so it's nothing out of the ordinary, really. It's just not a really comfortable procedure either. You'll be sore for a few days afterwords."
3 weeks later, I went in for my Colposcopy. Yah, I was sore for a few days after. After they scrape the abnormal cells, to keep one from bleeding, the doctor cauterizes the area. The areas that were cauterized were a bit sore. The procedure was done on a Tuesday and the doctor told me that I would hear the results on Friday. She said that she was able to see the lesions on my cervix and she took a few samples of abnormal cells from them. One lesion, she said that she saw was thicker than the others, and she would rate that one from what SHE SAW at a 3 on the scale! I was so glad that she said she'd get my results Friday! Especially when she made it sound like it wasn't going to be one of those "Your body's own immune system has fought off the virus" results.
Wednesday, the night of Youth activities at church, I decided that I'd like to have a blessing. Two wonderful men from church offered. I don't remember every word of the blessing, but I know that he talked about my body healing itself and he also blessed me in mine and my children's lives. I was thankful. I also decided, after talking to a dear friend, that I needed to tell the kids. I was afraid if I keep putting it off after each procedure then the oldest of the kids would surely be upset at me for keeping them in the dark. As much as I didn't want to worry them, I knew they'd want to know. I just wanted to know exactly what was going on so when I did tell them, it would be accurate.
Friday came. I had an apartment to clean and by 2:00, I hadn't heard from the doc yet. I called the office and left a message with the nurse that I was patiently awaiting a call with the results from my procedure. The nurse called me back at 4 and said the results had just recently been received at the office yet the doc was busy with patients. She said she would grab the doc in between patients for me. Not long after that, the nurse called me back. She said that Doc had looked quickly at the pathology report and decided that she wants me to go in and see an OBGYN to get a better look at things. Doc wasn't able to see in the canal well but an OB would be able to, and specializes in this area. Okay. At this point, I'm starting to worry. I've gone from a yearly papsmear to a procedure due to abnormal results and I am NOW being told that I need to make another step! The doc already told me she thought she saw a lesion that she would have rated a 3 from her knowledge! Here I was always upset at Travis for not having gone into the doc for his check ups and denial that he needed to take serious steps for his health, yet I've not been so innocent myself! Sure I didn't have any signs of sickness like Travis did, but that doesn't mean a thing!
After hearing from the nurse, the words the doc said, I really had a few questions I wanted to ask her! Problem was . . . she was on call and was overloaded with patients also. I begged the nurse to make sure the doc called me before she went home. I had to be patient, yet that wasn't easy. What exactly were the results on the pathology report? What was the OB going to want to do next? Do I have the beginnings of cancer in my cervix?? Why did I wait so long to have a physical???! Am I sick? How do I tell my children? DO I tell them yet? Haven't they been through enough losing their father???? The guilt!
I never heard back from anyone the rest of that day. I WAS gonna have to wait all weekend!

A widower friend that I had met this past October called me. He said, "Would it be okay with you if I called/emailed our other widow/widower friends and requested that they fast for you this weekend?" I thought about it and decided I didn't mind. I actually really appreciated it. I knew that others from church that I had talked to would be praying for me also. How incredible prayer is! I have learned that this past year even deeper than I already had known. Not to mention, it reminds you of how much others really do care about you!

Monday morning . . . nothing. I called the office and was told that doc has Mondays off! Seriously?? I'd like to know what is going on with me. I have questions! I asked the nurse, is there no way the other doc I regularly see can look at the pathology report and update me? How about the Nurse Practitioner? I was told that yes, The practitioner can do that no problem. She knows how to read Colposcopy results! So she called me. I asked her, what she read. She said that it said I had a few lesions yet the doc couldn't see the cervical canal to see if there were more or not. Since it was obvious that I had some lesions, and it had been 10 years since my last papsmear, she wanted my canal to get a good look. From what I read, that wasn't so great either. I had looked online and decided that the OB would probably want me to have a LEEP procedure done next. http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/surgery/a/leepprocedure.htm . That didn't sound fun! MORE uncomfortable than the Colposcopy! I told the nurse what I had read and told her, "I just want to know what's going on. I don't want anyone beating around the bush." Then she said, "Yes. Doctor is sure the OB will have you get a LEEP done next." I asked if she could still have the doc call me when she gets in Tues morn and answer questions that I had.

Okay. So the doc said she wanted me to go see a specific OB. Tuesday morning, I decided that I was just going to call and make that appt. Josh was going to be leaving for California Supercross the beginning of January for two months. If I am sick, he won't go! What if I'm NOT sick? He needs to go, yet again, he'd be so mad at me to find out later. Not to mention . . Cole had plans to go to Alaska for 3 months! Again, what if I'm sick; HE won't go! Sigh . . . . Ugh! The sooner I call the OB, the sooner I can get in and get the LEEP results back! So I opened the phone book and looked up Dr. Otto, whom my doctor referred me to. It wasn't quite 8:30 AM yet, so I put the phone number in my phone and was going to wait the next 5 minutes or so til it was 8:30 whenI was sure the office would be opened for them to answer the phone. As soon as I walked away from the phone book, my phone rang. It was my doctor finally!!!! I said hello and she said, "I just wanted to call you. I looked at your pathology report and was a little bit confused. It didn't totally seem to make sense. I called the lab and asked the pathologist to review your results. He came back to inform me that the gentleman who wrote your results wrote them kind of backwards. All I need is for you to come back in 6 months for a follow up papsmear and we'll see if your body is able to heal itself as 70-90% of them do."
Really?! That's it?! Needless to say . . . I already had what I felt was a strong testimony of prayer and fasting before! I know that none of this was a coincidence. I know that the prayers, fasting, and my faith turned this all around!
One thing that I also learned through this was that situations like this in life can truly help others outside of it too! My sweet friend that requested the prayers and fasting for me through the widow/widowers group told me that since his wife had passed, he had been struggling with fasting. This situation of mine helped him so much! I am thankful that the Lord knows EACH and every one of us! He knows what we need in our lives. He knows this better than we know ourselves! As we keep the commandments and strive to live our lives for Him, He will take care of us! I know this and am thankful for how my situation can help others! I am truly, awesomely blessed!