Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The warning signs



You know, when things happen, you always look back at life and see signs of warning. I've seen these signs all our marriage. I have often pointed them out to not only Travis but also to my children. It sounds sad and gloomy, but I just felt I needed to warn my boys that their family history back quite a few generations on their father's side didn't look good. Early heart attacks and alcoholism were in the cards for them if they weren't careful. I warned my boys to stay away from alcohol. What if they did try it and liked it?? What about learning good eating habits early? I just always worry about them (as a mother should) not being ones to end the cycle of the Jackson family.

Travis' father passed away in 1987 due to a heart attack at the age of 48. Yes, he was an alcoholic. As I said, looking back through his genealogy, I could see that this was a habit of Jackson men . . . . dying of heart attacks. But at the age of 48? My hope was for Travis to be aware and want to end this trend. At least to live longer than his own father.

When we met (on a blind date in Sept 1987), Travis was 6'2" and weighed 190 pounds. He had just graduated high school, and was quite well known in the county because of wrestling and football. Active, healthy and might I add . . pretty good looking! But in wrestling, the weight fluctuates so much due to the fact that it determines the class you are in. Looking back, I wonder if that made it hard for Travis to lose weight later in life. To lose weight in wrestling, he'd just not eat. Or he'd eat carrot sticks and dry tuna fish or dry oatmeal. Ew. Who could live their life eating like that? No one. So when he got older and wanted to lose weight, it became a diet instead of learning how to eat right. It doesn't help that his family history had already helped with this! Through our 21 years of marriage, (November 19, 2009 will be our 21 year anniversary, and I shall still celebrate it. What is one month with 20 years and 11 months behind your belt?) Travis' weight fluctuated a lot. He'd eat healthy (sometimes instead go back to the wrestling days of losing weight) and drink lots of water and lose about 50 or so pounds. Then he'd slowly gain it back.

In 1998, we owned a small house in Lynden, Washington. $70,000.00 mortgage. I paid an extra $19 a month for a life insurance plan in case anything were to happen to Travis. This way my house would at least be paid for. One day, we decided it would be smart to get an actual life insurance policy on Travis since he was the bread winner of the family. So . . . the insurance guy came, tested Travis and we ended up getting an insurance plan enough to pay off our house and then some. They did say Travis was on the higher risk level due to his weight and slightly high blood pressure, so we had to pay a bit extra cause of that.

At one time (I can't remember when, but it was before Abigail, so . . at least ten years ago) Travis was playing Semi-professional football with the Bellingham Eagles! It was pretty exciting and fun to watch! (Especially fun to see him in that football uniform! :) Anyways, eventually, Travis got injured when his knee got knocked out from under him. Obviously, he didn't want to go to the doctor for it until it had been seriously hurting him for about 3 weeks. Cole went with him to the doctor. When the nurse came in to take Travis' blood pressure, she did it three times. Next, she called the doctor in and he took Travis' blood pressure a couple of times also. The doctors words were, "Travis, I know you came in to me because of a sore knee, but this appointment has just officially been changed from concern about your knee to concern about your heart. You are a walking time bomb!" And so he came home with blood pressure pills. He took them til they were almost gone, and then refused to refill it; never took another one.

Years later, after we bought 20 acres and had refinanced it a couple times to a substantially bigger mortgage compared to our little house in Lynden, we decided to try and change our term life insurance to a whole life insurance policy. This way it gained interest and you could even take a loan out on it if you needed. Unfortunately, Travis was tested and they told him his cholesterol was 375. Now I don't know much about all the medical numbers, I just know that they suposably worry about you at 200! Travis was not only high risk but we were denied coverage! So we stayed with the insurance plan that we had from before even though we knew it wouldn't be enough to pay off our house if Travis were to pass. In fact, after ten years, that original plan tripled our monthly premium from $58 a month to $166!! But I knew it was something we needed to have for any sort of security.
Of course, as soon as Travis heard about his cholesterol level, we got books and learned all about HDL or good cholesterol, and LDL which is bad cholesterol. We learned about the numbers and how to eat healthy to get them where they should be. Travis lost weight, but wasn't quite where he wanted to be to call and re-try the insurance again. Eventually he would gain a lot of the weight back.
Times when Travis was heavier, I'd notice him carrying a water bottle around more. Even so much as to have it next to him by our bed at night. I remember saying to him one day, "You know, Honey, I hear that a sure sign of a horse being biabetic is when they are often at the watering troff." Then when he'd lose weight, the water bottle wouldn't be by our bed anymore. Did the diabetes go away? I would assume it came and went with his weight.

November 2008, our family decided to go visit my parents in Idaho for Thanksgiving. Of the 7 hour drive, the last 13 miles is weaving out in the country. I remember that last 13 miles. Travis and Cole literally drove most of it with their heads out the windows admiring the hunting possibilities! Beautiful country!

Thanksgiving day, Travis spent most of the time downstairs on the couch, watching football with dad and the boys. Usually Travis gets up and moves around, but that day, he literally was on the couch all day. It may have had something to do with him not having any phone service way out in Saint Mary's, Idaho! He was a bit worried, because his farmers couldn't get a hold of him, and Curt (our business partner) couldn't reach him . . . I told him, "Don't worry about it. You need the break, and Curt can call on MY cell if anybody needs something." So football it was . . . all day.
That evening, at one point, while we were all watching a movie (don't ask me what movie it was) Travis trekked upstairs. A few minutes later, Kyleigh went up for a drink or something or other. She came down and said to me, "Mom, Dad wants you upstairs. He doesn't feel good." I went upstairs to find Travis lying on our bed with a pillow held to his chest the way that he always sleeps. I sat by him and touched his face. It wasn't warm and clammy the way I'd think it would normally be if he wasn't feeling well. "I don't feel right. It's hard to describe," he says. I opened the bedroom window so he could get some fresh air. He was saying it was sort of hard to breathe. I tried to give him ideas as to how he felt. "Is it heartburn?" He said no. Not really."
Next I asked, "How about short of breath?" He said, "Yah. Sort of like that." I said, "Is this feeling something maybe you should see a doctor for?" His response surprised me, "Is there one near by?" If Travis is going to say anything besides "No" in response to that question, it means something must be wrong. I said, "Let me go ask Mom." So I went down stairs and told Mom what was going on. She pointed out that the hospital was just across the bridge from their house. I went back upstairs to Travis and told him. Of course, his response was, "I don't want to go to any hospital. I'm fine. I think I just needed the fresh air. Maybe a walk outside." So Travis went out the back door while I ran downstairs to get a jacket. We met outside in the back of the house and started walking around to the front. Once we got onto the front road, he said with his hand on his chest and walking in a small circle in the road, "There it is again. See it just doesn't feel right." The first thing that went through my head was, "You are a 300 pound man. If you pass out, how am I going to catch you?!" I said to him, "Travis, you and I both know what is going on here. You are in denial. I think I should take you in to the hospital." Of course, his quick response was, "No. I ain't going into no hospital this far from home. I'm fine now. I'm ready to go back in." So we went back into the house and Travis found . . . . of course . . . the rocking chair. Sat there and rocked a minute. "See? I'm fine now. I just needed the fresh air was all. Them doughnuts your mom made for breakfast this morning weren't done enough. I think it made me sick." Well sure the sticky buns Mom made for breakfast were kinda on the gooey side. That's the best part of 'em! But this was no stomach ache! It was in his chest!
Travis sat in the rocking chair while I still tried to tell him he should see a doctor. I told him that as soon as we got home, I was setting up an appointment for him! Soon, he went to bed. My mother and I got on the computer. I typed in "Signs of a heart attack" and as we read through, it was sure to me that is what he had been experiencing. It made me mad he wouldn't let me call an ambulance or take him in. Looking back, I should have just DONE IT! But my goal was to make sure he at least got seen when we got home.
That night was a long one; I didn't sleep much at all. When Travis' breathing was so quiet I could barely hear, I'd lay my hand on him to feel him breathing. I worried like that all night. Was this what I had been warning myself and my children about most of their lives?

When we got home, I sat with a doctor friend that I knew from church and explained to him our situation. He agreed that Travis should definitely be seen as soon as possible. That it was obvious there was a heart problem going on. Every time I tried convincing Travis to let me call and make him an appointment, he'd say " No. I'll just lose some weight and work on it. At least wait til the new year." After talking to my doctor friend, I called our family doctor and made an appointment. I explained what my worries were so they would be sure to check him thoroughly. Since he begged me to wait til the new year, I set the appointment for January 3rd! I told Curt and Suzanne about it and begged them to help me convince Travis to go in! I know that they tried. In fact, just a couple years previous, Suzanne had all but dragged Curt into the doctor for a check up and they found prostate cancer! I wanted to do everything I could to convince Travis to go in!
Of course, January 3rd came and went without Travis going in to the doctor. How do you force a 300 pound man to go to the hospital??!

2 comments:

  1. it is the hardest thing in the world. My travis weighs close to 350 and his near death experiences (Kidney Infection, and Blood Poisoning) and I freaked trying to get him out of our house and rushed to the ER..You would think those would be his wake up calls. But some how he thinks he's invinsible. In the meantime, I keep working on him, the kids do and mom helps.

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  2. Only he can take care of himself, Ang. The only time I think I could have any control of the situation is that Thanksgiving at Mom and Dad's when we knew Travis was having heart issues. I should have called 911. Had I known he'd refuse to go to the doc when we got home, I'd have surely called!
    I don't beat myself up for it, but I do wish I had just dialed that day!
    Love him, care for him . . and have him read my blog, Ang!!!!! love you!

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