Update on us .. part 1

December 19, 2009
Life continues for the five of us and J&L Express. It is like was said before, "When we experience loss, It is not what happens TO us that matters as much as what happens IN us." and "It is not the experience of loss that becomes the defining moment of our lives, for it is inevitable. It is how we respond to loss that matters. That response will largely determine the quality, direction and impact of our lives."
So as of today, the life insurance worked its way to an account in my name, and I was gradually able to take care of credit cards and other bills that were now my responsibility. Travis was always really great at keeping bills down, but with the economy being the way it was, this wasn't the best time to say we had no credit card balances. All in all, it has managed to be dealt with. I am thankful for this. Just the other day, I felt I was maybe being overwhelmed with the knowledge that I had been putting off some mail and bills. I sat on my bed and spent hours going through and paying these bills. It felt good when I was done for the day and able to know that stress was dealt with. I didn't realize how much that was weighing me down until I had it removed.

One of my ways of "responding to our situation" has been to do a bit around the house. Well . . it isn't really "a bit"! The past few years, Travis has paid our propane (heating) bill through J&L. With Travis being gone . . . and my name now on the business . . I knew things needed to be done a bit more "right" and I need to pay our heating bill out of my own checkbook. The middle of winter is pretty expensive here in the Jackson house! We have an older house that has been added to over the years, yet the heating just dragged through. A few years ago, I had mentioned to Travis, "You know, we pay an awful lot for heat in the winter. Let's look into getting a fireplace." I wanted a wood-burning stove. The truth of the matter was that we didn't have ROOM for one. As much as we argued, that was the truth of it. We ended up getting a propane fireplace put in the corner of the livingroom with the television mounted over. That was nice . . when you were in the livingroom part of the house, or when it was turned up to 72 degrees, which incidentally . . . was running off the propane just like the actual house heat. So . . . our bill didn't get lowered one bit! Which wasn't the idea in the first place, so our heating bill continued to be high in the winter time.
After Travis passing and the reality of me being responsible for the family hit, I started looking into options we had when it came to our home and the 20 acres we "owned". After asking and having things looked into, it came to the conclusion that the only thing I could do would be to sell the place out-right and buy something smaller with the little I'd make off the sell (the economy is to be thanked for this) or stay here and maybe fix things up. Well ... I wasn't willing to sell and not make anything off it. (We have refinanced a few times and put money towards the business, plus the economy has helped lose a lot of value on our house.) So . . . since winter was coming soon, I decided my first defense was going to be figuring out how we were going to make it through the winter without draining every penny for heat. I had Travis' high school friend, Aaron, come over. He owns his own construction company. I know I could have had other friends and family who are talented in construction do things for me, but this was going to be pretty big a job for just weekends and "when I'm not busy with real work" job. I knew that if we decided to stay here, I needed to put a little bit of money that I would have spent trying to subdivide into the house. This would be done by paying someone a bit to have things done and done right away before the real winter hits us. There are lots of other things I'd like to have done also that living, caring friends and family can help with as time permits.

Let me point out that our house is small, and off the small livingroom, was Abigail's bedroom. We also have a small room next to the master bedroom that was originally built as an office. We built a door for it when we moved in and made it into a small bedroom. Earlier this year, Josh decided to move out to the barn apartment, so Kyleigh moved her bedroom downstairs. The past year or so, I had told Travis a few times, "We need to knock that wall down between Abby's room and the livingroom so we have room for company to visit." It was just the right size to fit our family. Adding others was always cramped. So . . . . obviously what you are thinking is right. The pictures give it away. As Aaron and I stood in the livingroom and talked about my desire to have a wood-burning stove, I also mentioned to him how badly I would like to have a bigger livingroom. As we discussed things, it came to light that we could tear the wall down to make the livingroom bigger and then I thought, "let's move the bathroom doorway and put the fireplace there! There's already the original chimney right there!" And that is what we have done! Abigail got moved back to the smaller bedroom that was once an office and we tore the wall down! The bathroom doorway was closed off and the entrance is now in the hallway where the bathroom closet used to be. The fireplace will be where the bathroom door once was.
As of today, the mudding is complete and seeing that it is a weekend then Monday is the day that the texturing will be sprayed on and painting will be done! Yesterday (Friday) Aaron and I went to Lowe's and picked out the tile for the fireplace and the paint for the livingroom and bathroom. Our livingroom is huge now and the fireplace is what I long to see done! The week that construction started, we did have quite a cold spell with a bit of snow, but the girls and I managed with the electric fireplace that is in my bedroom and keeping the door shut for the heat to stay in. Since the livingroom is out of service, we basically live in my bedroom or watching movies in the barn apartment with the boys. Next week is Christmas and since we knew this wouldn't be all done by then, we put the Christmas tree up in the apartment where we will celebrate Christmas morning. Hopefully by the beginning of the following week, the fireplace will be installed! Then I look forward to a freezing cold, snowy winter!
The one thing that people have asked us when they hear what we are doing is about firewood. The boys heat the apartment with a wood stove. There is also a stove in the shop where the dirtbikes are kept and worked on. So . . Travis has always made sure there was ample firewood in the barn. In fact, about two weeks before his passing, he had a cord of firewood delivered and stacked. Also, his brother , Chuck, works for a mill and had just brought a load of mill ends for us. We are good for this winter. Also, Cole's friend talked to him about getting a load of logs to cut and stack for drying til next winter. This we will split with him and it will give us 4 cords of firewood for next winter at the price of having one load of already cut wood delivered.

I will surely attach new pics of the finished livingroom/fireplace when it is completed. I know that had Travis and I thought of moving the bathroom door and putting the fireplace there while he was still with us, he wouldn't have thought twice before agreeing to doing this work. Again, I have decided that this is one of my ways of responding to our loss. I'm thankful for a caring friend in Aaron who is working hard to have this done soon for us and who loves us enough to help keep costs down as much as we can also.